


Barry Bluejeans, You Know, The Necromancer?

by Raindropsonwhiskers



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Fluff, Gen, I guess this is a thing now?, Its not super graphic but in chapter three theres some Typical Desert Bluffs gore, So uh here have this au where the IPRE gang ends up in Night Vale, Typical Night Vale Weirdness, also its kind of just blupjeans fluff, so if that squicks you out be aware of that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 15:24:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15584886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raindropsonwhiskers/pseuds/Raindropsonwhiskers
Summary: The IPRE crew ends up in Night Vale in search of the Light. Lup and Magnus want to pet dogs in the Dog Park. Taako wants to cook with wheat and wheat byproducts. Merle wants to check out the Glorious Congregation of the Smiling God. Lucretia wants to go into the library. Barry wants to investigate the weird magic coming from the radio tower. Davenport just wants a cycle without someone getting arrested.





	1. Episode One, Part One

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first fic in a really long time. Any criticism is welcome, as is any feedback! I hope you enjoy this self-indulgent nerdery.

The Starblaster pushed through the barrier between planes with a _whoosh_ and a loud cheer from the crew. It had been a particularly stressful cycle; Lucretia and Merle had been killed early on, and Magnus had been arrested for ‘unlawful behavior’, and they were all excited to be together again. They saw the Light plummet down onto the mottled blue and green planet below as everyone got their bearings.

“So, what did we miss?” Lucretia asked, grabbing a journal and a pen off the table.

“You know those spider people we saw? Yeah, apparently they were the ruling class. We spent the whole cycle trying to convince them that we were trustworthy enough to be let around the Light, and Mags kept freaking out whenever one of them tried to talk to him. One of them got offended and locked him up for the rest of the cycle,” Lup said.

“They were creepy! Too many legs,” protested Magnus, shivering slightly.

“What was really creepy was their interest in Barold’s necromancy,” added Taako, jerking a thumb at the denim-clad person in mention. “Kept asking him to bring back dead noble-spiders and stuff.”

“Yeah, they had all the corpses on hand and shit, real weird,” agreed Lup. “Hey, Cap’nport! Any idea where the Light landed?”

Looking up from the array of bright lights and buttons on the control console of the Starblaster, Davenport said, “It seems to be in a desert somewhere. I’m not sure exactly, but there’s two towns nearby the landing sight, so I would guess one of them.”

Merle sighed in disappointment at the probable lack of appealing plant life this cycle.

“So, what’s the plan then, Cap?” asked Taako, leaning to look over Davenport’s shoulder at the display screen.

“I think it would be best if we sent two people to scout out the towns before all of us go in,” he said. “Barry, Lup, why don’t you two go?”

“Sure Cap’nport, me and nerd boy here can head planetside. Any particular order you have planned?” Lup said, slinging an arm around Barry’s shoulders.

“No, just stick together. We don’t know what’s down there yet,” Davenport said, already steering the Starblaster down towards the surface of the planet, to a large, flat desert below.

 

“Listeners, there have been reports of a spaceship in the night sky. Do not panic, as this is perfectly normal. It is probably just a routine check up from the Secret yet Menacing Government Agency, and is nothing to worry about.

“In other news, a new couple arrived in town today. They did not drive, but instead simply walked into our town, in comfortable silence, like friends who have known each other so long that it would be stranger for them to speak than to simply understand each other. I do not yet know who they are or why they are here, but they do not seem a threat to our little town. So far, they have gone into Rico’s Pizza, each purchasing a wheat- and wheat-byproducts-free bowl of pizza to enjoy as they looked with almost scientific interest at the goings on outside the window. Neither took notes, but both spoke into strange, circular stones hanging around their necks by long, dark cord. More updates as this story develops.”

 

Barry and Lup sat together on a booth seat in a large restaurant apparently named Big Rico’s Pizza, although it did not serve any actual pizza. The bowls of tomato soup with cheese and pepperoni were quite good, however, and even Lup couldn’t complain. Barry, whose bowl lacked cheese lumps, had been keeping a watchful eye on the strange, hovering thing in the booth across from them as it slurped from a bowl with the words, ‘No one does a ~~slice~~ bowl of soup like Big Rico’s. No one.’ written on it. He had been whispering his notes into his stone of farspeech to Lucretia, who was writing everything down back on the Starblaster. Lup had been more occupied people watching, staring out the window at the passers-by and the shops that seemed to shift, just slightly, every time she blinked.

Eventually, they both finished their bowls and left, intending to further investigate the town of Night Vale. They passed a large stone building with chains criss-crossing the tall wooden doors, and the words, ‘Night Vale Library-Do Not Enter!’ scrawled on a large banner strung above the doorway. There was a faint growling noise coming from inside. They saw City Hall, the front steps of which were filled with strange, glowing creatures; some with multiple heads, some with far too many arms, and one glowing with a black light. All of them were holding picket signs with phrases like, ‘We Exist Too!’ and, ‘Stop Denying Our Right To Be!’ and ‘Just Because You Don’t Want To Admit It Doesn’t Mean It Isn’t True!’ on them. They strolled by a tall radio tower that pulsed erratically with a dark purple light.

“Oh, isn’t that interesting,” Barry muttered, staring at the tower.

“What is it, babe?” asked Lup, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Don’t you feel it? There’s some powerful dark magic coming off of that place,” said Barry, now almost glaring at it with the intensity of his gaze.

Lup paused, and her eyes briefly glowed a bright red.

“Huh, yeah. Weird,” she said. “Wonder what could be causing it.”

“Well, we probably can’t just walk in and start snooping, not right now,” Barry said.

“Yeah, we’ll have to come back later. Wanna find somewhere to chill for a bit? We haven’t really gotten much ‘us’ time since the cycle when Merle got appointed king,” said Lup, still looking at the radio station quizzically.

“I think we passed a sign for a dog park a few streets back, wanna try there?” asked Barry.

“Sure. Too bad Mags isn’t here, I’m sure he’d love it,” Lup grinned, then added, “We should tell him about it so he can check it out when the rest of the gang gets down here.”

“Yeah, we should,” Barry smiled.

 

“Listeners, I have just heard that the new couple is approaching the Dog Park. I do not think that they are aware of the dangers it poses to mere mortals like ourselves, and I do not think that they will be informed in time to stop their foolish attempts to enter. Please, if you can, stay away from the Dog Park until we know that the new couple has left. We do not know what they will do, or how that will affect us.

“I have also just received news that the angels, or the beings calling themselves that, are still protesting at City Hall, despite multiple attempts by the Sheriff’s Secret Police to stop them. The angels, or the beings identifying as such, have issued a statement saying, ‘We will not rest until our existence is acknowledged at the highest level of bureaucracy this city is capable of, and as we do not need sleep or food, we will not be the first to buckle under the crushing pressure of civil revolt.’ They went on to wave their picket signs in an aggressive manner at the intern who was sent to report on the situation, successfully frightening her away. I don’t blame intern Tia for her response to this menacing, though I do wish her notes consisted of more than the angels’ statement and then a long, scribbled line tearing through the next few layers of notebook paper. Thank you for your efforts anyways, intern Tia.”

 

The Dog Park, which gave off a vibe of requiring ominous capitalization, was not what Lup and Barry were expecting. The signs, which slowly changed from a neat black type to a dripping, blood red scrawl as they approached, pointed them toward a towering black wall tall enough that it seemed to go on endlessly into the cloudless sky. They knew, intellectually, that this couldn’t be true, as they had not seen the wall at all when they were in the Starblaster, but something about the deep, void-like color of the wall made them wonder. There were also no signs of dogs whatsoever. The only living things that they could see were a pack of figures in long black cloaks with hoods pulled up over their faces.

Naturally, with the sort of bravado only extremely powerful or extremely foolish people possess, Lup walked right up to them and said, “Hey, is this actually a dog park, or just some fucked-up prank? ‘Cause I mean, if it is, good job. I liked the signs, very spooky, very Old Age necromancer castle. But, uh, if it isn’t, could you point us in the direction of the actual living dogs?”

The Hooded Figures did not deign to reply. They were not used to this sort of thing happening to them. They were the Hooded Figures, and they normally inspired fear in the hearts of all with a mere mention of their presence. And now, here was some mortal fool talking to them like they were best friends! How does one handle that?

“Helllooo?” called Lup, waving her hand in front of one of the places where a face should be. “Can you hear me? Are you liches?”

The Hooded Figure she was waving at began to rumble. Normally that got rid of people.

“Pretty sure they aren’t liches, Bear!” she called to Barry, who had been slowly moving closer to watch these events unfold. “Unless they messed up the spell real bad.”

Not five seconds after she finished saying that, before Barry could even begin to respond, a figure in a black leather balaclava and flowing black robes stomped up to them in their sturdy black boots.

“You are aware,” the figure began in an androgynous and slightly British-sounding voice, “that you are approaching the Dog Park?”

“Oh, so it is a dog park?” said Lup, looking relieved. “I was worried it was some sort of prank.”

“The Dog Park is off-limits to everyone, and has been since it was constructed. What are you two doing here, and why are you talking to the Hooded Figures?” the person said, effortlessly pronouncing the appropriate capitalizations.

“Well, we were looking for dogs. In the dog park,” said Lup, not pronouncing the capitalizations as she was pretty sure that her mouth couldn’t do that, “and when we didn’t find any dogs, we thought we’d try asking these guys.”

The balaclava-clad figure gave off the impression of a scowl, somehow. Barry had a feeling something was going to go awry.

 

“More updates on the mysterious couple, listeners. After their approach towards the Dog Park, and subsequent intervention by the Chief of the Sheriff’s Secret Police to prevent any world-ending disasters in the near future, the couple has been placed in temporary arrest in the abandoned mine shaft until further notice. The mine shaft, which, as you know, often houses family members of registered voters during elections to prevent incorrect municipal voting, is fully equipped with Hulu, Netflix, and a radio, so that the hostages can listen to either my crooning tones or our local numbers channel, so I am certain that the couple’s stay will be pleasant.

“Also, Carlos, my husband, came in to the station earlier to talk about the strange light that landed in the sand wastes. He says that it gives off a white glow, and an aura that causes people to want to touch it. The light is apparently roughly the size of a football, if a football were to be inflated far past it’s breaking point in pursuit of better flight. Carlos and his team of scientists have yet to touch the light, as he is not yet sure what effects it may have on human flesh, but he says that it won’t be long until they have put enough layers of latex gloves upon one scientist’s hands that it should probably be safe.

“He also added that there was a patch of air that shimmered far off in the distance, like a mirage. He doesn’t know what that patch is, or what it could be concealing, but I, for one, do not like it, listeners. With the new, strange couple, and the new, strange light, I am not feeling very friendly towards potential new, strange things out in the sand wastes.”


	2. Episode One, Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imprisonment, surrealism, and Strip Go Fish. What more could you want from a fic, honestly?

Barry and Lup, sitting side by side on a wooden bench in the abandoned mine shaft on the outskirts of town, listened to the radio host’s low voice drone on, then stop as the radio let out a low whine and died

“Well, it could have gone worse,” said Barry, finally breaking the relative silence. “I mean, yeah, we can’t go and sneak into the radio station now, but at least we know where the Light is.”

Lup nodded, deep in thought, her ears twitching slightly.

“I think we should call the gang and let them know we got arrested again,” Barry said, pulling out his stone of farspeech.

“Hmm? Yeah, sure,” muttered Lup, still not paying full attention.

“You alright, dear?” Barry asked, putting one arm around her shoulders.

“Huh? Oh, yes. I was just thinking, what could possibly be in that park that’s so bad they won’t let anyone in? And what the fuck is up with those hooded figures? I mean, I’m all for the aesthetic, duh, but they don’t make any sense,” she said, in a tone that signalled an impending rant. “And! That ‘Chief of Police’ dude, what’s with the stick up their ass? Their accent’s stupid, too, all posh and fake-sounding. God, it’s worse than that one cycle where everyone had those awful fake Southern accents all because their ruler happened to be a fan of Fantasy country music.”

Barry nodded sympathetically.

“I’m thinking, based off the energy I was getting from that wall, that whatever’s behind it has been compressed somehow, since it’s absolutely massive, but the city continues around it. Maybe it’s a kind of pocket dimension?” he suggested.

“Nerd,” Lup grinned, much happier now that she had gotten it all out.

“Yeah, yeah. And maybe the Hooded Figures are constructs made to guard it.” Barry continued.

“That’s a really brilliant theory, babe, but how in the hell did you make those noises with your mouth?” said Lup, staring at him with something between surprise, bafflement, and enamourment.

“Uh, you just kind of emphasize the first syllable, I guess. It’s really not that hard,” Barry said, looking a little confused.

“Right, okay, sure. Anyways, yeah, we should let the rest of the nerds know where we are, and that we know where the Light is, kind of,” agreed Lup, still giving Barry that look.

Barry nodded and dragged his thumb across the surface of his stone. It buzzed a few times before Taako’s voice came out of it.

“Barold, Lulu, how are you?” he asked, his voice crackling slightly through the connection.

“Well, we’re in jail for trying to see some dogs,” said Lup.

“Not my fault, for once,” added Barry.

“Well, fuck. Any luck with the Light, then, before you pulled a Magnus?” Taako sighed, sounding exasperated.

“What? I heard my name!” Magnus called distantly, and Taako shouted back, “Nothing, go back to Strip Go Fish!”

“Well, it actually hasn’t made its way into either town yet. It’s still out in the desert, somewhere near us. Also, there’s some really weird shit in here. Like, dark energy pouring out of the radio station weird,” said Lup.

“And off-limits Dog Park possibly containing a pocket dimension weird,” Barry said.

“Huh. I’ll let Cap’nport know once we finish Strip Go Fish. I think Magnus is losing right now, so it probably won’t take too long. Don’t set the place on fire while I’m gone, Lu,” Taako grinned.

“I’ll try not to, Ko. At least they’ve got Netflix and stuff,” Lup smiled, and then hung up.

“Want to give the radio another try?” Barry asked, looking over at the decrepit old piece of junk that played the only two stations available pretty well, sometimes.

“Sure. Maybe the guy’ll say something important,” Lup shrugged, reaching over the fiddle with the on/off switch on the radio.

 

“Listeners, our mayor, Dana Cardinal, has just sent out a press release, arranged by former mayor, Pamela Winchell, that states that the strange light is to be left alone. She says that she does not know what it is, or what is can do, and that given the option, she would not like to find out. She says that no one should, under any circumstances, go near the light. No one should, if possible, talk about the light. No one should acknowledge the light’s existence or presence at all, if they can help it. In this way, she said, the light is much like the beings that are most definitely not protesting outside of City Hall, and that are most certainly not angels. After relaying this message through a swarm of bees that arranged themselves into the traditional American sign language symbols for these words, the bees dissipated into a fine cloud of pollen, leaving behind only the smell of honey and the uncontrollable sneezing of reporters.

“John Peters, you know, the farmer, said recently that, ‘Ever since that mysterious light landed out in the sand wastes, I’ve had strange dreams. Dreams where I am running endlessly from some dark horror, trying to escape, trying to live, and never succeeding. Each night, as I run endlessly into the grey dusk, I am swallowed by some deep, hungry being, and I jerk awake, sweating and panting in my bed. I personally think that this is an allegory for my own fear of my mortality, and the knowledge that one day, I will die, and then I will haunt my imaginary corn fields, watching the future pass me by with every slow step I take. But of course that’s ridiculous, as that would require me dying, and everyone knows that hasn’t been a thing since 1937.’ John then waved his hands through the air in a complicated gesture, muttered, ‘Corn is all I have left now,’ and then ran out of the station to stand in the road and scream for a solid five minutes, before collapsing into a nearby bush.

“And now, traffic:

The stars above wink in and out of existence in time with some great, silent music. Our hearts beat along, following a rhythm we do not know. What will become of us when that music reaches its final crescendo? What will become of us when the music finally stops, allowing its great cosmic instrumentalists a break? What will become of us when it all ends? In other news, the lane between the Ralph’s and City Hall is pretty congested right now, so maybe you should try some alternate route if you wish to reach either destination in a timely manner.”

 

Barry and Lup sat in silence for a minute in the space that followed the traffic. Finally, Barry said, “Welp. That was strange.”

“Obviously these people are aware of the Hunger, somehow, but I don’t think that they know what they’re aware of. It’s worrying, to say the least,” said Lup, looking concerned.

“Yeah,” Barry sighed.

“We should probably get out so we can go check out that radio station tonight,” Lup said with a sort of resigned tone, as if prison escapes were simply part of her normal routine.

“How do you want to go about it?” Barry asked, already thinking through a couple of plans.

“How recently have you brushed up on your lock picking?” Lup said speculatively, tilting her head at Barry.

“Uhm, when was it that we had to break into that judge’s office?” Barry said, looking slightly embarrassed.

“Five cycles ago, babe. It’s probably fine, you have a good memory,” said Lup, not looking concerned.

Barry shrugged and began to look through his pockets for either the lock picking kit Taako had given him for his birthday or a bobby pin; likely shoved in his pocket by Lup when she decided she didn’t want to wear her hair up any more.

 

A couple dozen miles away, in the main room of the Starblaster, Taako was being traumatized.

“Merle, for the love of whatever is up there other than the Hunger, put your pants back on!” he screeched in horror.

Merle ignored him and tossed his pants behind his chair. The game of Strip Go Fish had been dragging on for the last hour and a half, even though Magnus had began with only his vest, pants, socks, and underwear.

Lucretia made a face of disgust and said, “Please, Merle. Nobody wanted to see your Kenny Chesney tattoo again.”

“Look, it’s not my fault Davenport is so good at Go Fish. Take it up with him,” Merle shrugged.

Davenport didn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed. He just shrugged as well and said, “Sorry that Merle sucks at Go Fish.”

Magnus was torn between disgust and amusement, as he was seated across from Merle, not next to him like Taako and Lucretia, and thus was spared the worst of it.

“Anyways, Mags, any threes?” Taako said, his nose still scrunched up and hand still blocking his line of sight toward Merle.

Magnus sighed and handed over his last card, a three of clubs, and with it removed his last article of clothing.

“Yes! Finally! I’m free!” Taako cheered, jumping up from his seat at the table. “Oh, yeah, Cap, Lup and Barold called earlier. They’re in one of the towns, and it’s pretty weird there. And they got arrested for trying to go to the dog park, somehow. Apparently, the Light is pretty close to us right now.”

“Huh. Well, thank you, Taako. Maybe you and Lucretia can go to the other town and check it out. We can arrange that in the morning, but for now, everyone needs to go get some sleep,” Davenport said.

Merle stood up and immediately Davenport added, “After putting their clothing back on, Merle!”


	3. Episode One, Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for uhhhh Disappearing for like two and a half months! High school kinda snuck up on me. But, I decided to make this my NaNoWriMo project, though a much more relaxed version. For the entire month, I'm going to try to upload one chapter per day on this fic, regardless of how 'good' I think it is! I really appreciate your feedback, guys, and I hope to actually finish this come December. Oh, and there is some light gore in this chapter, so if that's something you're sensitive to, it'll be within the asterisks.

Taako and Lucretia left as early in the morning as Taako was willing to wake up, so roughly 3 o’clock in the afternoon. They took off walking for the other town across the desert sands in silence. An hour later, they had arrived at the outskirts of the town, which was signalled by a blindingly yellow billboard reading, ‘Welcome to Desert Bluffs, home of Strex Corp. Synergists Inc!’ in a garish red font with a similarly colored smiley face boasting far too many teeth below it.

“That’s not creepy at all,” said Taako, looking at the billboard with obvious distaste.

Lucretia shuddered a little and nodded. “And there don’t seem to be any people.”

“That’s fucking weird,” Taako said, continuing into the town.

Rows and rows of cookie-cutter houses lined the perfectly paved streets, each with a sign saying, ‘Built by Strex Corp. Synergists Inc; We Have Built This And We Will Destroy It,’ stuck into the sandy front yards. Past the abandoned houses, towering factories, all the same bright yellow as the billboard, stretched for a good two miles into the desert. Nobody seemed to be in the town at all; the only signs that anyone had ever lived there were the half full punch cards laying in piles outside the factory doors and the occasional torn yellow jumpsuit uniform bearing the Strex name left in the roads.

Lucretia was taking furious sketches, her pencil flying across the page of the journal she held. Her eyes flitted back and forth from the ghost town in front of her to the paper below.

“I wonder what happened here,” she muttered as she finished a drawing of one of the many factories.

“Maybe all the workers revolted and left?” Taako suggested. “Or some sort of natural disaster?”

“Maybe, maybe,” Lucretia nodded, still drawing.

“Either way, I say we check out that radio tower. Barry mentioned dark magic energy coming off of the one in his town, maybe there’ll be some here too,” Taako said, pointing to the tall building a couple(perfectly precise) blocks away.

“Oh, yes, that’s a good idea,” Lucretia said.

“Cha’boy isn’t all good looks, you know,” Taako said without any real heat, flinging a hand up to his chest in mock-offense.

Lucretia smiled and rolled her eyes, putting her journal into a pocket of her robe as she walked towards the radio tower. Taako was a few steps behind, as he was kept getting sidetracked looking at the strange sights.

Before they even reached the door the tower, both of them felt the necromantic energy nearly pouring off of the place, dark and oppressive, with an aura almost like a Control Person enchantment.

“No offense to Barold, but I am so glad that his magic doesn’t feel like this,” Taako groaned.

“Ugh, yes,” Lucretia agreed, wrinkling her nose at the faint smell of blood.

***

As they opened the door, the blood smell grew more distinct and overwhelming. The first room had a long desk, similar to the one that Lucretia had in her room, and a few chairs with deep red cushions. The desk and legs of the chairs had long scratch marks running up and down them, gouging deep into the wood. On top of the desk was a pile of paperwork and a scattered pile of slightly bloody, seemingly human teeth.

“Eugh, disgusting!” Taako shrieked, jumping back a little at the sight of the teeth. “Seriously, teeth? That’s just fucking gross.”

Lucretia grimaced in disgust. She didn’t reply, but kept walking further into the building. The long hall behind the desk had bloody streaks trailing along the walls, and a couple doors leading off of it; but the one that seemed to be the source of the magic was at the very end. It was a simple door, the same shade of yellow as everything else in the town, with no sign signifying what it contained. The door was slightly ajar, and, like the desk and chairs, it had claw marks marring the surface, revealing the metal underneath the coat of paint. Lucretia pushed it open all the way and immediately wished she hadn’t.

The room was covered in dried blood. Entrails hung from the radio mic and other equipment, long past the point of dripping. Fingernails looked like they had been thrown haphazardly across the soundboard. A photo on the desk angled so that it faced the door showed a man with sharp teeth grinning at the camera like some sort of hideous predator. Lucretia shut the door quickly.

***

“Taako, come here!” she called, still holding the door handle and beginning to shiver.

Taako’s heels clicked against the tiled floor as he walked down the hall. It sounded off, like it had been recorded on an old microphone, then played through speakers deep underwater. It was unsettling.

“What is it, Creesh?” he asked, noticing the look of horror on her face.

“That-that room, it’s wrong. There’s something wrong about it, Taako, and it’s awful,” Lucretia said quickly.

“Well, I’m gonna go in, but you can stay out here if you want,” Taako said, looking genuinely concerned, despite his flippant tone.

Lucretia just nodded and pulled open the door for him as he walked in.

Taako didn’t say anything as he took in the room. Carefully stepping around one of the larger former puddles of blood, he moved to get a better look at the soundboard. There was a single red light blinking on the board, under a button labelled ‘Mic’.

With a quick Detect Magic, his vision grew white as he looked at the microphone hanging down from the ceiling. That was the source of the magic, then, though the whole place was doused in that energy.

“Hey, I found the source of the magic!” he called to Lucretia, and as he did, a second light began to blink.

‘Transmitting Broadcast,’ the button above it read.

 

“I now give you traff-” The broadcast Barry and Lup were listening to from the inside of their cell after the second failed escape cut off into static. There was a high-pitched bing, a loud clunk, more static, and then, “-ey, I found the source of the magic!”

They both sat up straight at the sound of Taako’s voice. There was the faint sound of footsteps, then they heard Lucretia say, “Oh, good. I don’t suppose you could come out here to talk to me about it?”

“Sure. Just let me check something,” Taako replied.

There was a hollow noise mixed with feedback, like long nails being tapped on an old microphone, which was exactly what was happening. Then, “Creesh! I think the mic is still transmitting. I’ll Prestidigitate the blood away, then you come in here and check it out with me!”

“I’m not hallucinating, that was Taako, right?” Lup said.

“Yeah, and probably Lucretia. How do you think they managed this?” Barry pondered, looking at the radio.

“Fine, I’ll come in. Let me know when-” Lucretia’s voice was swallowed by the same static as before. The same bing, clunk, static routine repeated, and the old broadcast resumed with, “So, it’s been pretty empty on the roads today. Watch out for anything that might make them emptier.”

“That was disappointing. Wonder what happened,” Barry sighed.

“Hey, what do you think Taako meant by blood?” Lup asked.


	4. Episode One, Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, the next chapter! Featuring the reunion of The Gang and a Coca Cola ad

After the worst of the viscera had been removed, Lucretia finally re-entered the room. She still stayed as far away from the soundboard as she could, because there’s only so much Taako could do about the fingernails, but she was close enough to investigate.

Most of the buttons and switches were off; only the microphone and broadcast ones were set to on. That seemed to be all that was needed for a basic broadcast, though there were settings labelled ‘Propaganda’ and ‘Repent’. The latter had a cartoonish, smiling sun painted next to it, the lines sharp and the teeth in the sun’s mouth sharper. However, further over, on the microphone itself, was a switch that had ‘Transmit to Night Vale’ hastily Sharpied above it. That one was also flipped to on.

“Night Vale’s where Lup and Barry are now, right? So maybe they heard our broadcast!” Lucretia said excitedly.

“Maybe the whole town did,” said Taako.

 

“Listeners, apparently the traffic report was overridden by a transmission from, ugh, Desert Bluffs. Though the town has been abandoned ever since the defeat and subsequent rebranding of Strex, some people managed to get the old radio equipment to work. The Sheriff’s Secret Police are going there now to find the culprits and arrest them. I apologize for your inconvenience, and will now replay the traffic report for you.

“The darkness pulses in, and out, in, and out. It hungers, waiting for prey to stumble along unsuspectingly. Its many teeth are terrible to behold, its many eyes bright and aware. Its many meals, never enough to sate it. It will wait, endlessly, until the universe has run out of food to give it, and then it will devour the universe. It pulses, and waits, and hungers, and waits. So, it’s been pretty empty on the roads today. Watch out for anything that might make them emptier.”

 

The door to the Desert Bluffs radio station was slammed open by a figure in a leather balaclava and long black robes. Similarly garbed figures poured into the building, swarming into each of the many doors along the hallway like ants from an anthole. Taako and Lucretia, alerted to the invasion only when they were pulled out of their investigation by a robed figure, didn’t even bother to struggle. They had figured out what they needed to, and getting imprisoned with Lup and Barry was likely the best course of action.

One of the figures asked them, in a British-ish accent, “So, you must have been the ones overriding the broadcast, hmm?”

“Not on purpose my man, just happened to hit a switch while I was checking out the blood,” Taako said smoothly as a figure handcuffed him. “You wouldn’t happen to have arrested a pair of nerds in red cloaks earlier, would you?”

“The whereabouts of the people who were caught trying to enter the Dog Park are none of your business.”

“The Dog Park?” Lucretia asked as she, too, was handcuffed.

“Yes. Entering the Dog Park is strictly off limits, as decreed by City Council years ago,” the person replied.

“Hey, yeah, how are you doing that with your mouth?” Taako demanded.

“Oh, it’s easy, you just have to think of it as a proper noun,” Lucretia waved off the question as best she could with no freedom to actually wave.

“Ah yes, of course,” replied Taako flatly.

The rest of the trip to the mine shaft was fairly quiet, aside from the constant low hum of the helicopter above them. Inside the darkened room were Barry and Lup, sitting smushed together on the small bench and listening to the radio.

 

“Breaking news, listeners! Another pair of strange travellers in red cloaks have been apprehended. Apparently, these two were responsible for the broadcast from—bleh—Desert Bluffs. The two pairs seem to know each other, according to Sheriff Sam, who said that they all sat together laughing about someone or something called Merle once reunited.

“In other news, Carlos, my lovely husband, says that after ten solid hours of layering latex gloves onto one scientist’s left hand, he can now feel safe in trying to touch that strange light out in the desert. I told him to be careful, as the Mayor told people not to touch it, but he says that science must be pursued regardless of personal safety, though he will be standing a good bit away. I do hope whatever it is they try works; or at least that it doesn’t hurt Carlos if it doesn’t. He did say that he saw a pair of small figures near the light when he was going to check on it. As soon as they noticed him, the two of them vanished into thin air! How odd.

“And now, a word from our sponsors:  
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Now, you are hot. You pull off all the blankets, all your clothes, all your skin. Your muscles burn, not from exertion, but from pure heat. You cannot escape it.  
Now, you are cold again. You put your skin back on, layer by layer of epidermis and dead cells. You repeat this, over and over and over, endlessly.  
Coca Cola—You cannot escape, so why bother trying?”

 

“So, what all did you guys find out there?” Barry asked.

Lucretia shivered.

“It was uh, bad my dude.The city was creepy, but the radio tower was worse. It was a bloody mess, and I mean that literally. There were teeth and fingernails and stuff. Not fun,” Taako shook his head.

“Huh. We noticed something odd around the radio tower here, too. Maybe a similar situation?” muttered Barry, mostly to himself.

“Yeah, possibly,” said Taako. “Did you guys have time to check it out before getting arrested for dog crimes?”

“No, sadly. But apparently we’re going to be let out as soon as the mayor can come and talk to us, so hopefully all four of us can go soon,” Barry said.

Taako nodded, then flopped backwards onto the thin mattress he was seated on. There was a low, heavy thump as his head hit the unyielding surface, followed by a small, “Ouch!”

Lucretia still had both of her journals, and was copying her notes from one notebook to the other. Lup was fiddling with the radio, trying to get it to play something other than the two stations they had been able to make work. Barry was half heartedly trying to pick the lock, though he had mostly given up by then. They were all comfortably quiet, now that they had caught each other up. After nearly sixty years working together, words became kind of unnecessary.

Finally, there was a loud, piercing beep, followed by the sound of someone clearing their throat and then coughing, before small speaker on the wall announced, “The Mayor will see you now.”


	5. Episode One, Part Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter, and the final part of this 'episode'! We finally meet Dana!

The Mayor was a short woman with fairly dark skin, somewhere between Lucretia’s deep brown and the Magnus’ tawny hue. Her thick black hair was settled around her shoulders in a long bob, and a pair of glasses were perched on her nose. She looked tired, like the strange dark diadem atop her head weighed more than it looked like it should. The Sheriff, who had escorted her in, stood just behind her and to her left as she entered.

“I am Mayor Dana Cardinal. I know you probably don’t know me, as you are new to my town, and I also do not know you. So, let’s begin there. What are your names?” she said in a high, calm voice.

“I’m Lucretia, this is Barry, and these are Taako and Lup,” Lucretia said, pointing to each person in turn.

“Well, it is nice to meet all of you. Now, what are you doing here?” said Dana, and although her tone was gentle, she seemed like the sort of person who would not be easily distracted or swayed from her goal.

“We’re looking for something. Something important,” Barry said.

“Would whatever that is have to do with the strange glowing orb out in the wastelands?” asked Dana. “Don’t give me those looks, I’m the Mayor, it’s my job to be aware of what goes on in and around my town, and glowing balls of light are usually contained within a ten mile radius of that weird cave that howls in the night.”

“Er, yes. That’s what we’re looking for, actually,” said Barry.

“Why?” replied Dana, calmly.

“It’s important. We need to get to it before something else does. If that happened, things would get very bad, very quick,” said Lup, finally looking up from the radio she had been messing with.

The Mayor seemed to think that over for a bit, then sighed. She said, “Ever since the two of you came into my town, I have had odd dreams. I see things in the dark, things with bright colors and white eyes, things that would put Station Management to shame, and I would know. I saw seven silhouettes against a black backdrop, a brilliant white circle perfectly centered between them. I do not know what these dreams mean, only that they are not good. Now, if you enjoy being able to freely move, and not being stuck here for as long as it takes for whatever it is that is haunting my dreams to arrive, then you are going to explain as much as you can, right now.”

There was a moment of silence following her statement, for that was what it was; not an order, for Dana knew she did not control these four strange people, not a demand, for she knew that there was nothing she could truly to to force them to tell her, despite what she had threatened. No, it was merely a statement, a simple process of placing facts in a line, one after another, until that line finally led somewhere helpful. Then, Lucretia began to speak.

“We’ve been running from something we call the Hunger. It follows us across worlds, trying to capture the Light and sort of devour the world. We try to stop it from doing that. The quicker we get the Light, the more time we have to try and figure out a way to stop the Hunger for good. And as long as one of us makes it off the world at the end of the year, we can continue searching and stopping the Hunger. So, if there’s any way you can help us, it won’t just save your world, but hopefully many, many more,” she finished with a slight dramatic flourish; a small hint of Prestidigitation in the air, brightening the room and casting shadows across faces.

Another small sigh from the Mayor. She turned to the Sheriff and said, “Sam, let them go. And tell Carlos and his scientists to help them or any member of their crew if they need it. Oh, and stay out of the Dog Park. There’s literally a desert otherworld in there, and it is not fun.”

She left the cell without another word, and the Sheriff followed after, leaving the door open behind them.

“Well, that could have gone worse,” Taako grinned.

 

“Listeners, Mayor Dana has released another statement, in the form of a set of shrink plastic hieroglyphs, the plastic painstakingly cut into the shape of each pictogram and then colored, then shrunk, then strung together on a long bit of yarn. The statement reads, according to Intern Jolie, who plugged it all into Google Translate, ‘The four strangers have been released, and are now to be treated as full Night Vale citizens. They have been warned about the Dog Park, and about Desert Bluffs, and so will pose no more threat to our town. They have every right to go and mess with the glowing light in the wastelands, so please do not impede them. There will be three more people in their group arriving tonight, so be hospitable to them as well.’

“The message then devolved into literally endless crocodiles in various poses, which Intern Jolie says is either a prayer to a crocodile god or the result of the sentient crocodiles we found in the depths of the library last week doodling on the paper. We aren’t sure which one.

“Either way, listeners, it is good to know that the strange people won’t be a problem for us! The pair that originally entered our town have been hanging out in Carlos’ lab, checking out the science equipment and occasionally touching the ongoing experiments. The other two have split up, one going to check out the bloodstone salespeople, and the other interviewing John Peters, you know, the farmer, about his odd dream last night. Despite my misgivings before, I, personally, can’t wait to see who else they brought!”

 

Magnus, upon arriving in Night Vale, came very close to making the same mistake as Lup and Barry. He saw the signs for the Dog Park, and headed straight for it. Only Taako appearing from Dark Owl Records with a very interesting invention called a CD player and spotting him stopped Magnus from spending a night in the mine shaft.

Merle was still technically in the desert, as he was chatting up a cactus. The plant, nearly twice Merle’s height, was displaying a full bloom of its violent pink flowers with eye stalk-like stamen that followed Merle when he moved. Davenport, who was sitting atop a rock nearby and sketching a map of the local area, was simultaneously trying very hard to ignore the whole affair.

All in all, it was an almost calm scene that night as Cecil’s low voice finally uttered his last public words of the day into his microphone.

 

“After this, the sound of the blanket of stars we all sleep under tonight. Good night, Night Vale, good night.”


	6. Episode Two, Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that everyone's in Night Vale, it's time for the romcom-esque nonsense to begin! Featuring a ship I never expected(courtesy of onArete) and Lucretia being a little more reckless than usual.

It was a week into the IPRE crew’s stay in Night Vale, and Davenport was almost surprised it had taken this long for the rest of them to start some sort of nonsense. Barry and Lup, delighted to get their hands on the Light so early, had been staying in the lab nearly 24/7½(apparently, the extra ½ was in there because some weeks there was Yuelpsday, and some weeks there wasn’t). Taako had struck up a friendship with Michelle Nguyen, who ran the local record shop, trading songs from destroyed worlds for strange CDs filled with condensed sound. Lucretia had an almost endless pool of people to interview and plenty of odd occurrences to investigate. Even Magnus, who would typically be going stir crazy in such an uneventful cycle, had been working with John Peters(you know, the farmer) on his dioramas. It was almost too peaceful to be true.

Then Davenport had seen Taako and Lup plotting together in the apartment the seven of them were sharing. The twins had been sprawled out on the floor, painting each other’s nails and whispering when Merle had walked in and asked them what they were doing. They had both claimed to just be gossiping, but when Lucretia had come in a bit later to refill her fountain pen, they had both stopped what they were doing to claim innocence of anything even vaguely suspicious; obviously, someone had to find out what they were doing, and Davenport had drawn the short straw.

So, now he was subtly stalking the pair of elves as they walked around town, listening hard for anything incriminating.

“Look, I’m just saying that the two of them would get along, okay? They’re both competent, both extremely pretty, and I’m pretty sure I saw Creesh doodling the mayor in her journal last night,” Lup was saying, waving a hand about.

“And I’m not saying you’re wrong, I just think that we shouldn’t try to push them, ya know? Let them figure it out on their own, okay? Besides, we don’t even know if the mayor would be into her,” Taako replied, and Davenport was pretty sure he just rolled his eyes even though he couldn’t see them.

“Sure, sure, letting them figure it out in a ridiculous romcom-esque manner is all well and good, but we are working with a time limit here, so we can’t let them just mope around all,” and here Lup switched into a higher voice that was a recognizable Lucretia impression, “‘What if she doesn’t like me?’ the whole time. ‘Cause you know that Creesh is the definition of a useless lesbian around cute girls, and madam mayor checks out there.”

Taako’s reply was stopped before he could get past drawing a breath; he had spotted Lucretia in front of the Night Vale Public Library, which was currently padlocked shut. Lucretia, it seemed, was intent on changing that—she was picking the lock as stealthily as she could.

“Should we do something about that?” he finally asked.

“Nah. She’ll be fine. The worst thing in there is probably a couple bored librarians,” said Lup.

 

“Listeners, I am sad to report that someone has opened the Library again. We don’t yet know who, as no one has been brave enough to try and put up surveillance cameras around the place after the last 37 were removed by an unknown force. However, there is most likely someone inside the Library at this very moment, being eaten alive by the Librarians. To the family of the foolish bibliophile, I am sorry for your loss. While the Secret Police work on re-chaining the Library, I must remind everyone to be alert and careful. Remember, Librarians can smell fear, terror, and existential horror from at least a mile away, so don’t think too hard about our miniscule place in the ever-expanding cosmos, okay? And ignore that thing in the corner of your vision; it’s always been there and it probably won’t ever leave, so don’t worry about it right now. Just… don’t.

“In other, less awful, news, that new scientist who always wears jeans has been hanging around the radio station with all sorts of weird equipment. He says that it’s for measuring ‘meta-versal signals’ and determining ‘magical wavelengths’. He also says that our town might be broadcasting my reports further than it should, out into an alternate reality. How odd, listeners. And to any of you listening from an alternate reality, hello! Does your version of life contain the Eternal Void that lingers in our brains when we sleep? Let us know, if you can!”

 

Lucretia returned to the apartment with her robes torn jaggedly, like something had slashed through them with long, curved claws. Her face was smudged with dirt and blood, but also boasting a broad grin, as she was carrying several books. She plopped her pile of illicit reading material onto the kitchen table and announced, “I’m pretty sure I’m banned from the Library, but it was worth it!”

“What’d you do?” asked Magnus, looking up from his woodcarving-in-progress, which had begun as a duck, but somehow turned into something with a few too many legs.

“Entered the Library, apparently. The Librarians were not pleased!” Lucretia grinned, still high on adrenaline and whatever gasses were inside the Library to calm its denizens.

“Oh, that’s what that report was about!” said Merle.

“Soo, Creesh, did you see the Mayor today?” asked Lup, propped up on her elbows to allow for leaning across the table.

“Actually, yes, I passed her on my way back and said hi. She was very nice,” said Lucretia, her expression shifting from a broad grin to a bright smile.

Davenport rolled his eyes from his seat on the couch. Honestly, he thought, the twins aren’t wrong. If one of those two doesn’t do something, there’ll be another mid-cycle mental breakdown. And after what happened following the last one, no one wanted a repeat. It seemed that Shenanigans were in order.


End file.
